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Chicken Shirt

by Dan Conner

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1.
Jackie wants to be a cop, to bust some bad dudes She thinks it's a great idea but Roseanne doesn't approve- She took that dream, she stomped it, kicked it in the gutter So now they're in a tiff and Jackie's really drunk But she knows how to prove herself: beat Rosie up! It's the grudge match we've all been waiting for Lanford PD: meet Jackie Soon to be on duty/deputy As it turns out, Rosie's just concerned She's afraid that Jackie will end up getting hurt But for once Jackie wants to feel like Rosie's on her side Talk it out, talk it out, that's what sisters do Hug it out, don't pout, put an end to this feud Jackie's jazzed and gonna make it happen this time
2.
One Night Stand! Jackie ran into Gary and his new fiance drinking at the Lobo, now she's not okay In an act of desperation, drunken vulnerability, Jackie hooked up with fucking gross and nasty Arnie She's 36 years old with flabby arm and pelican neck She thinks that no one loves her and all her plants are dead Roseanne, Anne Marie, Crystal, and Bonnie Can't believe that Jackie would stoop so low to sleep with Arnie "I wanna drive the big rigs"
3.
It's Jackie's idea and Nancy's found the place Bev's got the dough and DJ's got the name The Lanford Lunchbox, you're in for a treat The Lanford Lunchbox, if you're craving loose meat Roseanne wants something to show for her life Besides stretch marks and being Dan's wife Fruity yet bovine, an impudent little sandwich The Conner's last chance to get filthy rich
4.
They've got the house to themselves and what they thought was David's stash Rosie's feeling nostalgic, Dan is searching for his past Mary Jane, weed, stick, dope, call it what you like Dan, Roseanne, and Jackie know what they're doing tonight Getting high in the bathroom Roseanne told Dan to ditch the dope 20 years ago When Roseanne was having Becky but Dan couldn't let it go So now they're ready to feel young and Dan has the stuff holed up in the bathroom, looks like Jackie's had enough of... Dip into a stash from the past to reclaim your waning youth A stash from the past but it didn't work for you A stash from the past
5.
Damagin' Dan 00:58
He's pushing through the blitz like a fucking freight train mowing kids down left and right, he can't be tamed 25 years later, he's still the fucking man That's why we all call him Damagin' Dan Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Damagin' Dan! Damagin' Dan! Best lineman in all the land! Class of '68! Went All-State!
6.
Girls' night out, it's Crystal's pick She wants to hang down at St. Benedict's Bingo Bonanza! At first Roseanne thought it was dumb That's until she won 50 bucks! B-I-N-G-O Rosie's got her cards, now she's ready to go! Bingo addiction! Now Arnie's calling numbers, man, it's super lame He'll never get to call another game Bingo Bonanza! Put another Troll doll in front of your spot Counting all your cards, how many you got? BINGO!
7.
The bill wasn't paid - it was due on Friday The check didn't make it in time, so now the Conners have no lights Lights out, make out! That's what Dan and Roseanne think But David fell asleep In the morning, out he'll sneak He can't fool me! David's here to work with Darlene on the comic book No lights? Yeah, right! Dan and Rosie know it's...
8.
It's Time 00:55
Becky's 17 and she thinks she's in love She wants birth control, Roseanne thinks she's too young, but It's time! Time to make an appointment with Rosie's gyno Rosie wants to talk to Dan but he doesn't want to know It's time Time time time time tiiiiiiimmmmmeeee time
9.
Awwwww, DJ let it slip that they're throwing a soiree Dan & Darlene made a deal for Darlene's special day Just play along, it's for your mom Darlene Sweet 16 White Trash Debutante Ball A birthday to top them all So now it's the big night, she's officially 16 Jokes on her, there's no party, they just want her to leave! Your friends await your movie/pizza date Happy day Now go away Hap py Birth day
10.
12 long years have passed But Crystal still feels sad every time she gets a ride over that concrete pad Monument Street Bridge That's where Sonny is His foot slipped While building it And then he fell in Crystal's feeling down That Sonny slept around While they were wed Took girls to bed All over the town Buried in his work She's over that jerk Crystal's moving on!

about

Here's the watchlist for this record:

1. S2E02 - Little Sister
2. S4E04 - Why Jackie Becomes a Trucker
3. S5E06 - Looking for Loans in all the Wrong Places
4. S6E04 - A Stash from the Past
5. S6E09 - Homecoming
6. S4E13 - Bingo
7. S5E03 - The Dark Ages
8. S4E01 - A Bitter Pill to Swallow
9. S5E05 - Pretty in Black
10. S1E13 - Bridge Over Troubled Sonny

Also, if you don't know about the Chicken Shirt, then I am sorry for you, my friend.

credits

released August 9, 2015

Dan Conner is:

Dan 1: drums, vocals, recording room toots
Dan 2: guitars, vocals, recording room toots

Recorded by Shane and Aaron @ Gut Genug

sidengo.com/gutgenug#home

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Dan Conner Columbus, Ohio

We're Dan and Dan and this is Dan Conner.

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