Chicken Shirt

by Dan Conner

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    Roseanne rules!

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Here's the watchlist for this record:

1. S2E02 - Little Sister
2. S4E04 - Why Jackie Becomes a Trucker
3. S5E06 - Looking for Loans in all the Wrong Places
4. S6E04 - A Stash from the Past
5. S6E09 - Homecoming
6. S4E13 - Bingo
7. S5E03 - The Dark Ages
8. S4E01 - A Bitter Pill to Swallow
9. S5E05 - Pretty in Black
10. S1E13 - Bridge Over Troubled Sonny

Also, if you don't know about the Chicken Shirt, then I am sorry for you, my friend.


released August 9, 2015

Dan Conner is:

Dan 1: drums, vocals, recording room toots
Dan 2: guitars, vocals, recording room toots

Recorded by Shane and Aaron @ Gut Genug



all rights reserved


Dan Conner Columbus, Ohio

We're Dan and Dan and this is Dan Conner.

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Track Name: Jackie Wants to Be a Cop
Jackie wants to be a cop, to bust some bad dudes
She thinks it's a great idea but Roseanne doesn't approve-
She took that dream, she stomped it, kicked it in the gutter
So now they're in a tiff and Jackie's really drunk
But she knows how to prove herself: beat Rosie up!
It's the grudge match we've all been waiting for

Lanford PD: meet Jackie
Soon to be on duty/deputy

As it turns out, Rosie's just concerned
She's afraid that Jackie will end up getting hurt
But for once Jackie wants to feel like Rosie's on her side
Talk it out, talk it out, that's what sisters do
Hug it out, don't pout, put an end to this feud
Jackie's jazzed and gonna make it happen this time
Track Name: One Night Stand
One Night Stand!

Jackie ran into Gary and his new fiance
drinking at the Lobo, now she's not okay
In an act of desperation, drunken vulnerability,
Jackie hooked up with fucking gross and nasty Arnie

She's 36 years old with flabby arm and pelican neck
She thinks that no one loves her and all her plants are dead
Roseanne, Anne Marie, Crystal, and Bonnie
Can't believe that Jackie would stoop so low to sleep with Arnie

"I wanna drive the big rigs"
Track Name: The Lanford Lunchbox
It's Jackie's idea and Nancy's found the place
Bev's got the dough and DJ's got the name

The Lanford Lunchbox, you're in for a treat
The Lanford Lunchbox, if you're craving loose meat

Roseanne wants something to show for her life
Besides stretch marks and being Dan's wife

Fruity yet bovine, an impudent little sandwich
The Conner's last chance to get filthy rich
Track Name: Stash from the Past
They've got the house to themselves
and what they thought was David's stash
Rosie's feeling nostalgic, Dan is searching for his past
Mary Jane, weed, stick, dope, call it what you like
Dan, Roseanne, and Jackie know what they're doing tonight

Getting high in the bathroom

Roseanne told Dan to ditch the dope
20 years ago
When Roseanne was having Becky but Dan couldn't let it go
So now they're ready to feel young
and Dan has the stuff
holed up in the bathroom, looks like Jackie's had enough of...

Dip into a stash from the past to reclaim your waning youth
A stash from the past but it didn't work for you
A stash from the past
Track Name: Damagin' Dan
He's pushing through the blitz like a fucking freight train
mowing kids down left and right, he can't be tamed
25 years later, he's still the fucking man
That's why we all call him Damagin' Dan

Get out of the way! Get out of the way!

Damagin' Dan! Damagin' Dan!
Best lineman in all the land!

Class of '68!
Went All-State!
Track Name: Bingo Bonanza
Girls' night out, it's Crystal's pick
She wants to hang down at St. Benedict's
Bingo Bonanza!
At first Roseanne thought it was dumb
That's until she won 50 bucks!

Rosie's got her cards, now she's ready to go!
Bingo addiction!

Now Arnie's calling numbers, man, it's super lame
He'll never get to call another game
Bingo Bonanza!
Put another Troll doll in front of your spot
Counting all your cards, how many you got?

Track Name: Lights Out, Make Out
The bill wasn't paid - it was due on Friday
The check didn't make it in time, so now the Conners have no lights

Lights out, make out!
That's what Dan and Roseanne think
But David fell asleep
In the morning, out he'll sneak
He can't fool me!

David's here to work with Darlene on the comic book
No lights? Yeah, right!
Dan and Rosie know it's...
Track Name: It's Time
Becky's 17 and she thinks she's in love
She wants birth control, Roseanne thinks she's too young, but

It's time!

Time to make an appointment with Rosie's gyno
Rosie wants to talk to Dan but he doesn't want to know

It's time
Track Name: White Trash Debutante Ball
Awwwww, DJ let it slip that they're throwing a soiree
Dan & Darlene made a deal for Darlene's special day
Just play along, it's for your mom

Sweet 16
White Trash Debutante Ball
A birthday to top them all

So now it's the big night, she's officially 16
Jokes on her, there's no party, they just want her to leave!
Your friends await your movie/pizza date

Happy day
Now go away
Track Name: Monument Street Bridge
12 long years have passed
But Crystal still feels sad
every time
she gets a ride
over that concrete pad

Monument Street Bridge
That's where Sonny is
His foot slipped
While building it
And then he fell in

Crystal's feeling down
That Sonny slept around
While they were wed
Took girls to bed
All over the town

Buried in his work
She's over that jerk
Crystal's moving on!